Lets Just Stop Pretending
by Shovel
Summary: Dear Addison finally taking a stand. Sort of.
1. Chapter 1

**Characters;** Addison/Derek  
**Date;** 3/7/06  
**Chapter;** 1  
**A/N;** I don't own any of the characters, because Shonda stole them from me. ):

"Please, Addi—"  
"Don't walk out that door—"  
"If I don't, someone may die—"  
"If you walk out that door, our _marriage_ will die." The loving couple, other wise known as the Shepherds, rallied with each other, like so many times in the past. However, there was something unusual about this particular argument—perhaps it was that newfound level of bitterness that was suddenly jolted into the game.  
Their eyes locked, Addison sending an unbelievable amount of power through hers, Derek attempting to do the same. It was a strange moment, as the couple let their eyes battle, Derek finally giving in.  
"Don't do this to me, not right now, Addison. I'm not having this conversation with you right now." Derek said firmly, his eyes finally diverting toward the door in weariness, where his hand was still placed.  
"So when are we going to have this conversation! I mean, you're always either, too busy, too tired, or you just plain, don't want to talk!" Addison spat, her voice implying incredulity. Her eye, once striking a powerful gleam, was now glittering with tears and a resounding melancholy. Apparently, the gloomy in her eyes attracted his sympathy, as his hand left the door and his eyes fell back to Addison. He was weary of the yelling and fighting, yet there seemed to be no way to stop it.  
"Fine," he let out a sigh, "tonight, when I get back from work, then." Derek finished, and while his eyes seemed to hold truth, Addison still sensed fallacy. Why was it, that she was the only one who wanted to try? She let a brief passing of silence, before she looked away, signaling defeat. Her eyes looked to the door, Derek being the last thing she wanted to see.  
"Addison…" She let her feet carry her to the door, flinching when Derek extended a hand of comfort.  
"Don't." Her hands rose for defense, and as he retreated, she swept by and was out on her way.

-----

_"What kind of person am I? It's not even that I cheated on him. It's that I pretended to love him. What kind of person does that? Letting someone they care about live under a complete lie?"_

Addison listened to the old woman in the bed, who was slowly slipping away at a game called life. Crystal tears rolled down her leathery cheek, letting her words linger in the air, unsettling for Addison. With another breath, the woman had fallen to death's hand, oblivious to the effect her last words had on Addison. 

_"..." An old man who was beginning to bald tucked his face under his hand, trying not to cry. If Addison hadn't been walking down the hall, she would never had caught that dying woman, and she wouldn't have had to relay such a depressing message. _  
_"She loved my brother," the man said suddenly, "after 30 years, she tells me this. I'm not mad at my brother, no. I'm mad at her for lying to me. Do you have any idea what it is like to live under a lie? No...of course you wouldn't." He walked away, hands fumbling with tissues, mumbling under his breath with eyes wide with shock and pain._

------

_"What kind of person does that?"_  
_I don't know._

Addison sat in the corner of the dark room, pondering on that thought, a cup of idle tea sitting in front of her. She was distracted--by those two bands that symbolized a promise Derek had made to her, and one that she herself, had given. People say that, when you find yourself colliding with the floor, there'll be that person that'll help you up. Had she really messed up that there was no one that cared anymore?

-----

Long day, Derek mused, taking slow steps back to his closet of an office. What time was it now? 9? 10? His mind traveled over to the thought of Addison, his lips turning to a slight frown. This afternoon wasn't so swell, and the thought of having to "talk" dampered his already sloth-like mood. Derek knew she had gotten out about an hour ago, and was probably up waiting at home, also probably brooding over it, too.

Quickly, Derek rid his thoughts of Addison, only wanting the comfort of his bed right now. He was too tired, and if he ignored her, she'd probably go away. Worked all the time. With little strength, Derek popped open the door, to see Addison sitting idly in one of his chairs. Surprised as he was, he only glanced at her, trying to hide his insides cringing at the thought of having to talk to her. _Put on a smile._

He walked behind his small desk, organizing an already neat stack of papers. Addison was distressed, although she had hidden most of it from her husband--not that he had given her more than a second of recognition.

"More of your stuff came in?" He asked casually, gesturing to the bags next to her. To her amazement, Derek had noticed. And to think that he hadn't noticed at all.  
"Actually, they want me back in New York, to work on a case." She responded standing up from her chair, receiving another half-second of acknowledgment from her husband.  
"Oh? When are you going to be back?" Papers ruffled around, as he packed them into his briefcase in a non-chalant manner. Same as it always was. He didn't even need to think about asking her--it was a reflex, really. After so many years of being married, things like these just seemed to catch on.

She knew it was coming, and so she took a deep breath before responding, "...I'm not," and continued to hold her breath. Derek's head sprang from the table to look at her with surprise and perplexity, finally granting Addison the full attention she had been thriving for.

"What?" It really was a reflex. Unblinking, he stared, completely paralyzed in shock.


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters;** Addison/Derek  
**Date;** 3/11/06  
**Chapter;** 2  
**A/N;** No need to explain how I lost that bet to Shonda, right? Wrote this to **It Came Upon A Midnight Clear** by Sixpence None the Richer. Awesome song. Also on an episode of "Grey's Anatomy", and if you can figure out what line the next quote came from, you'll know which episode I got this song from.

"'I'm not saying this to hurt you, or because I want to leave you, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you.' That's what you said to me, Derek. 'Christmas makes you want to be with people you love.' Can't the same be said for every day? So why," Addison swatted at the hot tears forming in her eyes with the back of her hand, "why do you stay? I don't want to live a lie. I don't want to be seen as an obligation, Derek!"  
"..." Derek stood silent, listening to Addison's words. His silence was not intended to hurt her, but he had nothing to say, nothing to deny. Addison looked at him with teary eyes filled with incredulity.   
"...Right."  
"...Addison..." Addison waited for Derek to reply, but received only silence. Why wasn't he responding? Why did he continue to hurt her?  
"What happened, Derek? What happened to us?" Addison's voice cracked, became coarse, and she made no attempt to hide her breakdown.  
"...I don't know." With solemn eyes, Derek looked at her, displaying, for the first time, truth. A melancholy silence fell over the two, as each tried to digest what was happening.  
"I'm sorry, Derek. I'm sorry for coming here. I'm sorry for hurting you, Derek. I'm sorry for everything! Why can't you forgive me!" Addison shrieked, upsetting the still silence that had settled on them. Crystal tears rolled down her cheeks, blurring her vision. Derek looked away, unable to see his wife in such a state. "Why did you stop caring?" She asked, her voice tipped over on desperate. Addison looked to him for answers, like many times before, this time finding none. Had they grown so distant, that she could barely tell what he was thinking?

He found himself unable to respond. He, himself didn't know what had happened, why he had stopped caring. The grip on his bag had grown tighter, his knuckles now sporting a death-white color.  
"I never stopped caring, Addison." Derek finally said, finally detecting that part in his heart that still beat for Addison. It had become faint, but it was there.  
"Then why did you walk away? Why did you walk away that night, Derek? You didn't fight for me. You just left." She had become so emotionally unstable through the years, that life, at this time, didn't even seem to be worth much.

"..." Again, Derek reciprocated with silence, unsure of why he had simply walked away that night. Could he honestly blame her for going away? He had practically driven her into Mark's arms--he was the only one to blame at this point. Self-loathe and perplexity filled his mind, trying to clutch at the part of his heart for Addison, reluctantly all the while.

There was a time, where Addison would have waited forever for an answer. And she had. Through with being hurt, and hurting Derek, Addison gave in. She broke the heartbreaking silence with painful words--more painful than the ones said even before. It hurt her to say it, and she was hesitant--afraid of the answer she would receive. But forever had ended, and she needed to know.  
Addison released a surrendering sigh, "I love you, Derek. I really, really do. So you can you take this ticket, and go back home with me, or sign the divorce papers and stay here." With that, Addison reached into her bag and took out two pieces of parchment. One of which was familiar to both. She handed them over to Derek, who took them quietly and unwillingly. There was only so far you could run before it was time to face the truth.

The wedding bands had once signified an undying love for each other, but now it was just a plain reminder of what they lost. And yet she had continued to wear it, hoping it would also remind Derek that there was a still a chance.


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters;** Addison/Derek  
**Date;** 3/13/06

The Seattle rain beat down upon the glass window pane and onto the streets, shooting through bushes and trees. Despite the next morning puddles, there was something completely soothing and calming about the persistent beat of rain. The distinct sound of buttons being pushed on a phone could be heard, followed by a voice that cut through the serene air. 

"Sav? He signed the papers..." Addison wept, her voice thin and raspy.

_"It's hard to accept the end when it's so close."  
It's even harder when it's there._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N;** You all hate me dearly, especially the AdDek fans, right? Well, I couldn't just let Addison continue to suffer. I'm glad I wrote the ending like it is—short, sweet, concise, and to the point. And terribly, terribly sad. But I do love it, and I hope that you all won't throw bricks at me.


End file.
